It’s very common to refer to a good communicator by saying they “speak well.” There is nothing statistically further from the truth. It’s not that the verbal messaging should be dismissed, but the feeling of credibility does not strictly come from one’s words, but rather from other determining factors that have been scientifically found in emotional and non-verbal communication.
Beyond words, a good communicator knows how to use the absence of words. According to Paulo Coelho, “There is a language that is beyond words.” Silence, for example, can come from a great communicator’s talent. Knowing when to use silence can be classified as an art. Listening is the best time to introduce silence into the communicative approach. Gestures are another element characteristic of good communication. Body posture and intonation round out the communicative tools that say more than words. “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said,” explained Peter Drucker.
“You will win, but you will not convince.” This is how Miguel de Unamuno underscored that facts are more important than rhetoric in one of the most famous speeches in history. Because to convince, to persuade, to make a message believable, the support provided by emotional and verbal communication is needed.
Psychologist Albert Mehrabian’s studies led to a rule that is well known in communications as the 7%-38%-55% rule, which says that in a conversation or public speech words only have a 7% impact on the listener’s inference of meaning. The rest comes from non-verbal and emotional components. 38% of meaning is inferred from the tone of voice, while the remaining 55% is a result of body language and eye contact.
One of the reasons this occurs is because words are easier to control than gestures. So, a good communicator is not someone who talks and talks and talks. A good communicator is someone who has a mastery of non-verbal and emotional communication; someone who knows how to listen; someone who knows how to say what they want to say; someone who knows how to give a message some personality. That is how universities should show the paths to communicative excellence.
Verbal language is contingent upon non-verbal language; it goes hand in hand with emotional language. Whenever a message is prepared it must be linked to an emotion and be accompanied by gestures that under no circumstances contradict the verbal message, quite the contrary: they should reinforce it. If you say “I love you” to someone while looking at the ground, it will be hard for them to believe you. If you don’t use the right intonation, the essence of the content is going to be whittled away until it is lost.
The use of emotions in communication is so important that today, while phenomena like WhatsApp have acquired the status of sociability, emojis had to be incorporated to be able to sweeten certain messages that may be misunderstood when they were read. Emojis are vital to ensuring that communicators can send a message as they wish it to be received.
If it is to be successful, all verbal communication must be connected to an emotion. The opposite is one-dimensional communication that, if left unimproved, becomes heavy, i.e., boring, causing recipients to feel distanced from the message and even to reject it outright. The basic emotions in this field are: pride, fear, wrath, happiness, love, and sadness. The advanced emotions are: certainty, expectation, admiration, and curiosity. One of these emotions must be activated when it is communicated to capture the listener’s attention and keep it. When properly employed, any of them will allow the message to have the desired effect. Interpreting what is heard is fundamental in communication. That is why gestures and tones are incredibly important; words and actions must match up, so that there is no inconsistency or misunderstanding. Someone who speaks poorly isn’t rejected as much as someone who expresses themself poorly. You interpret the message of the person speaking poorly and reject them outright. Someone who expresses themself poorly frustrates the listener, because listeners are unable to understand what the speaker is thinking or feeling.
A high percentage of emotions are driven through tone of voice, but they must be accompanied by gestures that are sufficiently explicit to make them consistent with the tone and the message. The gesture par excellence is expressed with the eyes. The truth of words can be found in the eyes, because they are difficult to control. “Learning to live, learning to read the eyes of the masses,” said Miguel Ríos. The eyes are the window to the soul; our truest feelings come straight out of our eyes. In public speaking, the speaker’s eyes have to look at all attendees. Focusing on one person or on a specific place expresses low confidence or shyness. Next, the hands are indispensable because they cannot be hidden; they are always visible and demonstrate the speaker’s control over their emotions. Palms facing outward mean sincerity; pounding motions downward, strength. Fingers crossed is a sign of protection. Arms crossed are a sign a defense or anger. Hands going up moving vertically entails a claim with vehemence. These are just a few examples that represent the rich body language that can be attributed to the speaker’s hands.
The body also provides information. For example, a hunched position entails that the speaker is overwhelmed by the audience or the message. Standing up straight represents steadfastness, self-confidence. The speaker’s legs also provide information, although they can be more difficult to notice. Legs crossed is a sign of protection or lack of confidence; legs that take up as much space as possible can mean arrogance or self-confidence. Legs taking up as little space as possible represent the opposite.
Feet are also quite helpful in deciphering messages. Stability and direction of the feet indicate unexpressed feelings. Feet that are planted on the floor and parallel to one another indicate confidence. Once feet begin to move, cross one another, one is lifted, etc., an air of instability is given off. A twisted foot, almost using the ankle as a support represents instability or discomfort. Feet facing the right when the speaker is to the left indicate the need to end the conversation. When seated, crossing one’s legs toward the other person creates a closer personal space. This is because in this position both the body and the face look toward the body and face of the other person. If the foot of the crossed leg also moves toward the other person this may be a gesture of seduction or mutual understanding. However, if that movement is swaying, this is a sign of discomfort. On the contrary, if the foot of the seated person moves in circles, this signals sexual desire.
Hair, especially women’s hair, is an element that sends messages of how the person is feeling or understanding the circumstance. For example, hair pulled back into a ponytail indicates that the woman is showing her professional side; it indicates seriousness. Wearing one’s hair down is more informal and also requires more attention to determine where it will be positioned. Wearing one’s hair down opens up more potentially hidden messages. Touching one’s hair lightly while twisting the hand inward is a sign of nervousness; the same occurs when a man touches his tie or jacket. These are impulses that are done with little to no thought and that’s why they are incredibly useful to analyze and interpret.
When women move their hands and twist their hair inward while looking down, it is a sign of shyness, but when they move their hands through their hair showing the inside of their arms, this is a sign that they are in tune with the other person. Women have a special talent for using gestures that mean more than words. Men, on the other hand, put more emphasis on verbal communication.
The good communicator verbal trinity is paramount: be, do, appear. The audience has to connect with your body, voice, and mind. Always in this order. First I am, then I do, and finally I appear.
